Addiction

Psychological addiction can be really insidious. It goes from something fun and positive to a real need in order to cope with everyday life. Thereby giving control of one’s inner state to some outer source or behavior.

Addiction starts out with you finding something that really helps in some way. There is some great positive effect. Maybe it helps with anxiety, or it gives you energy — somehow it makes you that better version of yourself you want to become.

Naturally, you start using this more and more to get that desired positive effect. It grows, gradually, day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Suddenly you have been relying on this thing for years already and it might not look so great anymore.

Instead of having this thing with a positive effect — you have something you really need in order to cope. Something you need to be a better version of yourself — with the opposite side that if you don’t have it you’ll be a worse version.

That’s the insidious part. It pulls you in with the positive effects but at the same time, you are conditioning yourself to feel worse when you don’t have access to this thing. You get the positive placebo of using this thing — and the negative nocebo of not having this thing.

Your days start revolving around this thing, feeling good (or just normal) when you have it — and really bad when you don’t. But it is all in your head. You just think you need this or that to be normal, to be a better version of yourself. It is such a strong mental image you will convince yourself to the bitter end — even when faced with all sorts of negative consequences. You are the easiest one to fool.

If you could only live without it and see you are great just as you are. There is no recipe that will fix you in a way you cannot do by yourself. Relying on any outer source for something positive is not a good long-term solution. You are literally putting your inner state in fate’s hands — instead of in your own.

Examples of this could be coffee addiction. I really believed I needed coffee to be a good version of myself. I drank a few cups a day, always before important meetings et cetera.

If I didn’t get coffee I was constantly spending a little thought on how could I get a cup now to be in a better state. Instead of being in a better state.

Then after years, you realize coffee doesn’t help every time. Sometimes you’re still tired after a cup and then what do you do? Drink more? It is not sustainable.

One day I stopped. It was not a choice, it just happened when I was spending lots of time around people. Cause I was around people all the time, I couldn’t enjoy that coffee buzz every moment so I had to face my fears of being “tired” around people. Well, lo and behold, there was nothing to be afraid of! It is all right being tired. You also become energized when the situation is interesting and opportunity arises — regardless of coffee or not.

It was such a relief. I’m just fine as I am. No need to dope me up with caffeine. Or other addictions for that matter — it is the same with this big need for being by myself. I thought I really needed time between gatherings to re-energize because I was not a social person. Turns out I don’t need to but I might choose to from time to time. It is not an addiction, more of a life choice.

Thanks for reading.